I was cleaning out my draft folder this morning and I found this post written in September 2012 but never published. I thought I’d share it today.
Having small children can certainly be a learning experience. The wisdom contained in such small bodies is often a lot more profound than most people know.
I learn a lot by just listening in to the conversations that go on in my house. For example this is what one child had to say to another yesterday.
“People have their differences and it’s not right to tease someone based on their differences.
Like some people are fat, that doesn’t mean that you can tease them about it. It’s just how they are.
And I’m scared to learn to ride a bike. That doesn’t mean that you can tease me because I’m different. I’m just me. It’s okay to be yourself, you know.”
I’m always amazed at how eloquently this particular child can express herself.
She is able to say just how she feels in such a way that you feel as if she read it from a book. Her use of terminology and phrasing is just that good.
“I don’t like the way that those two play together and exclude me because then I feel like a third wheel. Being excluded hurts my feelings and makes me feel insecure.”
Unfortunately, not every child can put their feelings into words. It is up to us as adults to make sure the unspoken words are heard just as loudly as the spoken voice.
Have that difficult conversation with your child. Let them know that it’s not okay to treat people poorly because they are different.
And maybe, just maybe, the world will be a little bit better for a child with differences.
I think there is a difference between being teased and being bullied. I was teased as a child occasionally for the clothes I wore. We were poor and my clothes were cheap and used. I was not bullied though. I think it helped build character and gave me thicker skin.
My children have always been diverse in this area. 1/2 are openly spoken and the other half wear their feelings on their sleeve. I have to be careful to watch the facial emotions otherwise I would miss what they are thinking but just not saying.
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I am very glad that your daughter is able to so eloquently express herself. It is so important as parents to watch and truly listen to what are children are telling us — whether it is verbal or non-verbal.
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I think it’s important to provide a sounding board for those feelings and for teaching children coping skills so that things don’t escalate. Kids tease, that is a part of life, but it can escalate into something far more serious. I agree, your child is very eloquent.
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I think your child must have learned from a good role model 🙂 Yes, she certainly seems to have the right attitude about how to treat other people. It is a shame we could not teach some adults and lots of teens and pre-teens the same lessons.
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I suffered from both growing up. Being bullied and teased is something that can in the end bother a person for life. I can’t go around many as it causes panic attacks, anxiety attacks, etc. It can mark a person for life.
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Your girl is indeed a good hearted one!I hope she stays that way and I’m sure she learnt it from you 🙂
xx
C
Chaicy – Style A Pastiche recently posted..Romwe Valentine’s Day Giveaway
I really think most kids are so much more smarter then we give them credit for. I also think that a lot of times our kids are more grown up around their peers then with us. They know how to get what they want and sometime it is acting a little more ‘childish’ at least from my experience. I know my daughter is like that still she can sit and have serious conversations with others but with me not as much. Maybe I am a little off thinking this who knows.
You my dear have given your children great tools that will be great through out life. Thank you for sharing this was a great reminder to help us help our kids to use words.
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We have always stressed the importance of treating others as you would want to be treated AND including all kids in the neighborhood when they were out playing, not excluding anyone. Our kids knew what it felt like to be shunned so when they were out playing sports, etc. they always let anyone else who was interested participate. They’ve also been allowed to express themselves and never been told to shut up. We’ve always talked to our kids about different topics and been open and available when they’ve needed to talk about their feelings. Your child is very intelligent and it’s great that she feels confident enough to bring things out in the open. She has your trust and that’s great!
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I’m pretty sure that we are all different in our own way. Your daughter sounds very smart.
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Teaching kids to be okay with themselves is the biggest factor against bullying, I think. If they are okay with who they are, what someone else thinks won’t matter
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There’s a fine line between teasing and bullying. Teasing isn’t meant to hurt, at least not to the bone. It’s not continuous, long term. Bullying is meant to hurt and make the person feel like nothing. The problem comes from knowing where that line is.
I love that your kids were discussing this and one was teaching the other. It shows you as a mom and a family are doing something very right in your teachings.
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What great kids. They are always smarter than we think.
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