The what-if’s, oh how much I hate them!
They attack me out of the blue. Just when I think I have it all together, the what-if’s sneak up on me and BAM! I’m an emotional wreck.
Right now, I’m stressing over the upcoming Type A Conference.
What if no one likes me?
What if I don’t wear the right things?
What if I’m really out of my league?
What if I suck as a blogger?
What if I’m wasting my time trying to succeed as a blogger?
What if I’m wasting time away from family that I shouldn’t be?
What if I could be using the money more wisely?
What if I’m spending this money on myself without good reason?
What if I’m not worth it?
The what-if’s are caused by low self esteem. I know this but I still can’t seem to break away from them. They have been attacking me all of my life. They will probably always be a part of my life.
It’s just something that I will have to deal with and overcome.
I know I’m not alone in dealing with the what-if monster. Many, many people secretly suffer at his ugly hands.
When you don’t learn to deal with the monster, it can take over your life. Depression is a very large side effect of allowing the what-if’s into your head.
I have spiraled into depression too many times to count. With the depression comes overeating in my case. Which leads to weight gain. A poor body image and then self-esteem problems.
Notice the vicious circle there?
Yeah, me neither.
So yeah, right now I’m stressed. The what-if’s are hitting me hard tonight. But I’m fighting ’em off the best that I can.
I told ya I was going to be more personal in my blogging. This is much, much more personal than I ever get in real life. I’m good at hiding my “what-if” problem in real life.
I project an air of having it all together, but in reality I am a big bowl of jello inside. So much so that I hide out at home and avoid a lot of social interaction.
So if you see me this weekend and I seem to be a loner, remember this post. And please, come say hi.
If you are a fellow sufferer, let me know. We can seek each other out and together we can beat the what-if monster at his own game.